Another day and another couple of small embarrassments. Neither of which will come as a surprise if you’ve been keeping up with the blog.
Firstly, I was bombing round town at lunch trying to find a Barbour jacket (I found one in the end but it was £160 so I might have to get a 2nd-hand one) I was going round town on the way to Millets and I see that Gamestation has moved to a brand-spanking new store around the corner. That’s really good because I think the old store used to be a pub or something and it was u-shaped (plus the bouncers asking for ID to enter was a bit off)
I walk into the store and, for a nerd, a new computer game store is a thing of wonder, it is for me anyway. When I go away on holiday to faraway places – or France – I love going into games stores. It’s great seeing the different – and sometimes quite weird – artwork. Plus, foreign games mags are great.
As I walk into the store there are two guys on the door (things haven’t changed) and one smiles at me. I think he might have asked if I needed any help but I couldn’t hear him over the sound of my iPod. So I’m walking round the new store, admiring the new screens on the wall and looking at the new pre-orders when one of the sales assistants on the door walks over and asks if I need any help. Now normally you’d just say no, but I was in an honest mood and, now, regrettably, I said “oh no thanks, just admiring the new store!” Within a nano-second I regretted my honesty.
The sales assistant looked at me, initially with a confused look on his face. Understandably so, given my honest-but-strange comment. Then as a second or two passed I thought it was probably time I moved on and walked off, but the assistant’s face told another story. He moved his lips as if to say something, which made me stop, but no words came from his mouth. I did a slight jolt forward stopping myself from moving on after already having started the forward motion so as not to appear rude, but by that time he’d decided that talking wasn’t the thing to do.
Another second passed, and the confrontation already felt like a five-minute silent fit session, but one more strange look from the assistant who clearly wasn’t gonna ask me anything again and I walk off. What the hell happened there? I gave him a strange response, sure, but either say ok and let me leave or don’t move your whore mouth. Oh man. I walked out the shop embarrassed. I’ll probably never go back there now. I miss the old pub.
After Gamestation I remembered I had to get to JJB Sports to try on a football shirt. I’m getting a Crystal Palace top soon (to celebrate them probably going to go on and win the FA Cup) but I wanted to find out what size I would be. So I walk up to the football section but surprise, surprise; they don’t sell Palace shirts.
I look around at their selection and it dawns on me and even though I’ve been a football fan all my life, I’ve never once owned an official football team shirt. I love Palace, but I’ve never shouted it from the rooftops (apart from the virtual rooftops) and this will be the first time I’ll be loud and proud about the football team I support.
For some reason I started getting worried, which shirt should I choose? What if I choose a Celtic shirt and loads of Rangers fans come in and stab me? What if I pick up an Everton shirt and a Liverpool fan punches me clean in the dick? Oh no.
They didn’t have Palace, so which shirt should I choose? The easy option was Leeds, obviously; there wouldn’t be any trouble there. But would you believe it, this is the one sports shop in Leeds that DOESN’T SELL LEEDS KITS. Nice one JJB, you might have a dirty great big murder on your hands in 5 minutes if you’re not careful.
So no Palace, and no Leeds, who else shall I choose? The next option was Newcastle. But what if someone comes over and wants me out because I’m a dirty northerner? They might have a few words to say about the Angel of the north or they might say derogatory things about Alan Shearer. I couldn’t handle that.
Next was Liverpool.
Next was Manchester United and in the end, this is who I went with. But as I walked through the shop towards the changing rooms, I felt a bit nervous, like people were judging me because I was holding three United shirts. It felt weird; I hadn’t felt that sort of nervousness before, and I felt a bit vulnerable.
So I went and tried the shirts (think I’m an XL Boys btw. Although having since been on the Palace online store, think that equates to a Small Mens for a Palace shirt. Phew) and once I was done I walked out of the changing room waiting for the assistant to take the shirts, but no-one was there. I got the impression they were concerned about security as I had one of those blue circular plaques with ‘3’ written on it ready to give back to the assistant, but no assistant was there.
I wait around for a minute and I notice a family of four looking at me. I check my flies but this time they’re done up and it’s not poking through. Our eyes (my pair of eyes and the four pairs of eyes looking at me) look at what I’m holding then look at me, then the United shirts again, then me. They had a look of disgust. One of the kids spoke to the father in a foreign language – I trust they were an Eastern European family and didn’t just speak in a foreign language to freak me out more than they already did. The boy says a couple of words and they all turn around. I couldn’t believe it. Like I said, I have no idea what the kid said, but whatever it was, they all turned their backs on me. (They were holding a Liverpool shirt, so they probably just complained that Champions League football is overrated)
Luckily an assistant came over to take my shirts and circular disk at that point so I handed her my stuff and walked out embarrassed and slightly scared.
Add JJB Sports to the list of ‘Shops I can no longer go in due to embarrassing moment’ along with Gamestation and Morrison’s. I’ll save the Morrison’s story for another time though. Now there’s a hook!
——————–
If you haven’t had enough of me quite yet, I also appear on the SPOnGcast each fortnight. Visit SPOnG.com to download or iTunes to subscribe.
Big Brother may have finished but our last Big Bother podcast – Episode 8 – is now out. Just over 90 minutes of good old Big Brother chat with David Turners, Capone_Adam and myself. Download directly from the Big Bother site or subscribe on iTunes.