Even after yesterday’s eventful shopping trip, I went shopping again today. I’ve wanted this pair of Adidas trainers that I’ve had my eye on for a while and I finally got them today. I also bought a new pair of jeans using the money I got given for my birthday by my parents and sister, so I managed to get two nice things today, and only spent a fiver.
All in all it was a nice afternoon spent lazily walking round the shops but one thing left a sour taste in my mouth. No, it wasn’t the 1400 students you’ve got to beat off (steady) to get round town, it was something that happened in the changing rooms in Topman.
For those of you who aren’t au fait with Topman changing rooms, they’re basically small cubicles with curtains for doors (like any other changing rooms really) except that the curtains never quite go to the edges of the cubicle which means there’s always a gap for people to look in through, should they be that way inclined. So I got in my chosen cubicle, and once I’d put my jeans on the hook I tried for a few seconds to get the curtain across the cubicle as much as I could. There was a small gap either side, but it was the best I could do.
The other thing about Topman changing rooms is that there are leather seats right in the middle of the room, with each seat sat opposite a changing cubicle. Fucking ridiculous design, as you’re about to find out.
So I’m halfway through trying one of the four pairs of jeans I’ve taken in when a guy and a girl come into the changing room. The boyfriend goes into the cubicle next to mine, and his girlfriend sits on the chair opposite where he’s changing. The thing is, being sat opposite where your boyfriend is changing is all very well as it means you’re able to give your opinion on what your boyfriend is trying on, but what you don’t know is that you’re also giving major grief to other men in the changing room.
And this time, that “other men” was me. In the position she was sat, coupled with the fact the curtains don’t go all the way to the edge meant she could see straight into my changing cubicle! See that picture above? That’s living proof.
I couldn’t believe it. The dirty pervert. She probably wasn’t even going out with that guy she came in with. She probably just met him when she was hanging around the store on her own, waiting for some poor unsuspecting sap to take the £40 she was offering so he would let her in the changing rooms. It’s the retail-perverts version of getting a Green Card. What a bloody cheek. If she wanted to see the goods then put an ad in the paper, don’t come in the mens changing rooms with your “boyfriend” just to gawp at the hot southerner trying on new jeans. What cheek. (both, I imagine)
I didn’t know what to do. When I first noticed her I was just stood in my pants admiring the view in between changing. I instinctively put my hands over my junk to protect my modesty as I thought “she’s bound to look”, but after a minute or so, she didn’t look. Maybe she’s a decent person who’s only interested in her boyfriend’s new flannel shirt? Maybe she wasn’t as bad I originally thought. Well good. Didn’t want her looking anyway.
I looked at her again and saw her eyes straining to keep their gaze from zoning in on my junk, but even after five minutes, she still hadn’t looked. Come on now, I appreciate the fact she’s doing her best not look, to respect my privacy and all, but really? There’s a half-naked man in almost touching-distance and she still isn’t looking. What’s wrong with her?
Then, a breakthrough; when I was putting some jeans on her eyes darted around, looking around the room; above, below, to the left and to the right. “She’s finally broken”, I thought to myself. But no, she still hadn’t looked. Now at first I admit I couldn’t believe that the chairs were positioned in such a way that the people sitting down had a clear view of the person changing, but after five minutes of getting literally no looks, I thought something was up.
I needed to do something now, this was ridiculous. She’s got the chance to see a real fine specimen, and she’s looking elsewhere? What a frigid bitch. Fine, I thought. I’ll start moving around the cubicle a bit, that’ll get her attention. I moved from left to right, but still she didn’t look. Who was this woman? I could only assume she must’ve seen me in the store and fancied a look, so she came into the changing rooms but now she’s here she’s doing nothing? I mean WTF? She’s missing a golden opportunity here. If I had followed someone round a store into the changing rooms, I’d be looking within 10 seconds. What’s her game?
I needed to take this to the next level. Really I wanted to take my boxers off to see if her eyes moved then, but thinking about it, I couldn’t face the rejection. She had her chance, and I wasn’t prepared to get arrested on an Indecent Exposure charge. It was difficult enough taking the picture as it was. I was convinced she would look once my camera was out, but no, even when I was pointing a camera at her, her eyes still remained focused on her boyfriend’s disappointing package.
I give up. Seriously, it’s disgusting. I won’t bother going in anymore if that happens again. Forget it. I don’t know why I bother. I was only trying to spread a little love and give her a flash, but no; she’s a “decent person” and “not a pervert”.
Forget it. I’m off to see what the girlfriends in Burtons are like.
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