Another day and another dream is smashed into a million pieces then shot into space attached to a nuclear bomb which is then detonated in outer space rupturing nearby planets and thus causing more destruction.
This might seem a little melodramatic to you, but that’s exactly what’s happening in my heart right now after another BBC rejection email hit my inbox this morning.
I’ve got so much to give, so many skills to utilise, plus an ass that won’t quit, and now this? I just can’t believe it.
It was only a lowly runner position I applied for, too. A job that’s basically just a glorified teaboy and errand runner, but still, it would’ve been a great way into an industry that’s notoriously hard to get into. Even so, here’s the thing; I’ve got so much confidence in my abilities, and so many things I want to do, that I’m not even 100% sure a career in television is what I want anyway. The truth is, even with all this potential I’ve got built up inside me; I’ve no idea where to go or what to do when it comes to actually starting a career.
I know I could do pretty much anything I wanted, so that’s a good start. I know I can go anywhere and do anything if I put the hours in. I believe anyone can do anything if they want it enough. (Job-wise, I mean. I’m not saying if you really want to go out and kill a prostitute than you can do it. No, I’m not saying that. I’m saying if you really want that 2nd Gold Star on your McDonalds badge then go for it. You can do it. Leave the killing hookers thing to truck drivers, they’re better at it than you are).
Where was I? Oh yeah, self belief is all you need to achieve whatever it is you want. Whilst I admit a career in Molecular Science might be a little too much, and becoming a Premiership footballer might be a bit too late, I truly believe that if you want it enough, and you’re prepared put the work in, your dreams can and will be achieved.
This confidence I have in achieving anything has, if truth be told, not always been the greatest of help when applying for jobs in the past. In 2008 I was made redundant after the company I worked for went into insolvency (before the recession officially started too, so I’d like to think we were the trend-setters). Without a job, and once again redundant in a big city, it wasn’t a fantastic time in Murray towers (my flat).
Knowing what I went through the first time, I was applying for all sorts of jobs. Retail, office jobs, and even a call centre. I never wanted to work for a call centre, but I was getting desperate at that point so I had to swallow my pride and get on with it. Not only was I applying for a call centre, but the one I applied for was two-buses and a two hour round trip away, but again, I had to go for it otherwise my bills wouldn’t get paid, and I couldn’t eat/afford the internet.
The interview was one of those role-play training day things you hear about. It started at 9am and you would be continually assessed throughout the day in a variety of role-play situations and tests. If people were successful in these role-play assessments then they would either go through to the next round later that day or be told to go home. I still assumed it was an interview so naturally I wore a suit. Unlike some people – one guy came in a full Lacrosse tracksuit, so I knew I was in good company. Also I felt overdressed.
The day went well and I got to the end, which resulted in an interview at 5pm. In the brief interview I had to read a script, which I did. I was then asked some questions about my experience and how I found the day, which I did, well. Once the interview was over I sat in reception waiting to be called in. I got the nod to come in and was told that unfortunately I wasn’t successful this time and that I didn’t get the job. Naturally, after feeling like I did well I asked why I didn’t get the job.
The homosexual gentleman said that although I did fantastically well during the day, he felt that I was “too creative”, and that I probably wouldn’t stick to the script, let alone the job, and that was why they couldn’t give me the role. Thinking back on it now that’s a compliment, but not at the time. It’s always nice to be known as a creative person, but not when you’ve got bills to pay! A part of me was relieved to be refused work at a call centre, and at least I walked away with my creative side in tact. Plus I was wearing a suit so that’s cool.
After that I got really worried. Most of the jobs available at that time were just call centre jobs, and I couldn’t even get those! What was I going to do? A few days later I walked past a Pret a Manger. They were looking for a full-time Team Member and I had catering experience working at a holiday park when I was younger so I felt like this job was in the bag. Thing is, I was in one of my confident moods (maybe I was thinking back to that “too amazing/creative” comment) which meant that extreme confidence leaked into my application. BIG STYLE.
In the application I wrote about how I could get to the top of any ladder I chose to climb, and that I know I’ll be the best at whatever I do. Strangely I never heard back from Pret. No surprise really. They probably read the application and were all like “well if you can reach the top of anything then why the funk are you applying for a job at Pret?” Shame. I would have totally taken advantage of their ‘well they’re past their sell-by date so take them home if you want them’ rule.
That was then, but even now I’m still not sure what I want to do with my life.
I’d love to work in TV production; stuff like editing, producing or something else. Even in front of the camera, I’ll give that a go too.
I’d love to write for TV. I’ve definitely got a good sitcom in me somewhere, and I know I can do it, but it’ll be hard. My mate Ben and I tried a couple of years ago but I just couldn’t hack it. I was trying to sort out little problems and worries without actually getting on with the writing and sorting out the other things in the second draft. Although one of the things I’ve learned about sitcom writing after reading a few books on the subject is that the biggest challenge is just simply writing it. Getting it just to the first draft stage is the hardest part and I think I lot of good writers give up before they’ve even got an episode written because they can’t finish the first bit. I should know, I did the same. Thanks to this blog I now know I can write, and write something good at that, so yeah, that’s another thing.
I’d love to give stand-up a try, I know I never got my Stand-Up Project off the ground, but I feel that my writing has improved massively since starting the blog, and I’ve definitely got a enough funny stories to fill a five minute set. I just need some speech therapy first, so that my words are clearer and I don’t stutter, which I’ve been known to do.
I’d love to direct a music video as well. I don’t know why, I’ve just always fancied it.
I’d love to see if I could do any comic acting, how hard could it be? I mean really?
I’d love to do some stuff for the radio; I know my voice isn’t as clear as some people’s, but I’ve loved podcasting over the last few years and to do that in a live studio with a couple of mates would be something else completely. And if not presenting then producing or editing would still be great. I loved editing podcasts over the years, and I’d like to put my skills to some further use.
I reckon I’d be good at marketing. Ok ok, I admit I’m pretty poo on the phone, but still, I’m good at formulating ideas and like the gentleman at the call centre said, I’m creative. I even helped the marketing team at work when we were all in the same office, and I didn’t even work with them. They did ask me though, it wasn’t like I just barged into their meeting and said “I’ve got some ideas for you lot, they’re grrrrrreat!” (They said Frosties already had that one so my idea was discounted anyway)
I’d like to work for a magazine again. I had a blast working for that Boats and Yachts magazine before I moved to Leeds and even though that was essentially just a data entry job, I really enjoyed the feeling of having something tangible in your hand at the end of the month. Like actual physical proof of your hard work. It was very rewarding, and I’d love to do something like that again. Hell, even working for an online magazine or website would be great.
I did that Heavy Rain piece for SPOnG.com not long back either, I could do that for a living! See what I mean though? I just don’t know what to do. I know I’d excel at anything I put my mind to, but which one?
So yeah, I’ve got lots of things I want to do, I just need to find out which one and go for it.
P.S. Any potential employers can email me at mat [at] matmurray [dot] com if you fancy a chat, or dinner (I’ll pay).
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I also appear on the SPOnGcast each fortnight. Visit SPOnG.com to download or iTunes to subscribe.
Big Brother may have finished but you can download all 8 episodes of Big Bother from either the Big Bother site or iTunes.
