I’m home alone, which is good and bad for a couple of reasons.
It’s good because it means I can swan around the house with nothing on except a big smile and a penchant for 5pm drinking, but it’s bad because which I’ll mostly be eating dry pasta and questioning why I didn’t leave my number with a next of kin.
My girlfriend has left me (for two days only, hopefully) as she’s off down south for a training course. I asked if it was a girlfriend training course, judging by the amount of washing up left in the sink, but she came back with “No, that’s your training”.
I’m not 100% sure if I’ll pass, but I’ll try my hardest. Failing that I could just replace the lot with paper plates; easier to ‘clean’, but more environmentally friendly, probably. I did that with t-shirts in the first year of uni and it worked out best. Saved a packet on washing tablets at least.
So not did she leave me with stuff to do, but I think it’s pretty selfish of my girlfriend to go off for a couple of days without me. Away, down south, to enjoy the nice, well mannered people of Peterborough.
My people, my extended family. Oh to be a part of that again, oh to feel the happiness and mostly decent weather of the south. One day my friends, one day.
With my girlfriend out of town, it meant only one thing Strip Clubs No, it means I’m low (read: empty) on material for the blog, but it also means I won’t be having a Good Morning cup of tea, nor will I be arriving on time for work until Wednesday. And man is my boss gonna be pissed at that.
I can’t just turn up for work at 11 in the morning, it’s just not right, but at least it won’t be me who’s in trouble. Oh no, no way. Hell no. It’s alright though, I’ll make sure she’s easy on her.
Oh yeah, I do right by my girlfriends. I’ll just explain that she didn’t know what she was doing, that she was drunk, reckless, trying to escape, you know, plausible reasons.
I swear I used to get up at at half six in the morning when I had a paper-round, but now I struggle be awake before I have to leave the house. How did I even get up all that time ago?
Was Gill around the corner, tapping my window like the ghost of Christmas past? (Note: you haven’t missed a scene where the Ghost of Christmas past taps on Ebenzer Scrooge’s window, it never even happened)
God knows what I’m gonna do tomorrow. I mean that literally, God knows what I’m going to do, but he just won’t tell me. It’s mental.
But yeah, she’s only been gone for just over 12 hours and already I miss her. Shit, I wonder what she’s doing right about now? Probably trying to scan a packet of ginger nuts twice in a Quick Till knowing her. Oh man, I hope she’s ok. I’m sure she will be.
She might even come back with more incredible tales; hell, this blog will be sorted for weeks! I bloody hope so because I haven’t had one embarrassing trip to the shops in ages now, I’m not even sure what’s happening. It’s getting to the point where I’m actively giving the checkout girl a fifty dollar note in the hope something hilarious happens.
It hasn’t yet, by the way. On one occasion they didn’t even notice and I got my whole week’s shopping for free, and the second time when I went in with a two hundred dollar note, they just ruffled my hair and called me a “little scamp”. A little scamp! Can you imagine.
Gill, come back. Please. (I’m starving)
x
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